Australia’s ‘real’ top-secret pre-test player dossier

1

November 8, 2012 by dixwah

Another season of Test cricket. And another memo on the opposition mysteriously ends up on a journalist’s desk. It’s been going on since Graham Gooch was a boy, and to be honest, I’m a little disappointed.

Knowing the rubbish in this morning’s papers obviously wasn’t the real research on the opposition, I consulted my mole within the Aussie set-up. For an idea of how close this guy is to the team, just as Justin Langer needlessly shadows Australian players, my source needlessly shadows Justin Langer.

Two degrees of separation!

My man was frothing at the mouth. In our conversation, terms like ‘ground-breaking’ and ‘revolutionary’ were mixed with ‘old-school’ and ‘mental disintegration’.

As luck would have it, he was able to send me a copy of the real, top-secret, never-to-be-released, confidential South African player dossier.

And as you can see from my scan below, it’s enough to bring even Steve Waugh and Chappelli together.

So proud! Bring on the ‘Gabbatoir!

Look, it’s even got the CA watermark, it must be authentic! (nb. it’s not authentic)

 

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