November 3, 2014 by dixwah
If you only read one Melbourne Cup preview a year, read someone else’s. But if you’re one of those indecisive people looking for advice on advice, I’m your guy.
Do you know I once owned a horse (RIP Sashimi)? My Dad was a greyhound bookie. The form is on the board.
It’s a big week, and patronising life coaching is a must. My 3 life tips:
1) There’s a fine line between fashion class and being a wanker.
2) Backing favourites is for tight arses.
3) Never, ever go to a Melbourne Cup Calcutta with Luke Bramble (no relation to horse Brambles).
Horse by horse BABAY! The key to assertive Melbourne Cup tipping is to be decisive, and seemingly, to also jot down random numbers and notes on your form to show your racing IQ.
Yay or neigh (ha ha).
Here’s the winning guide to Melbourne Cup 2014:
1. Admire Ratki – can win, won’t though
2. Cavalryman – 12th in 2012 off similar form, nope
3. Fawkner – backed it last year, didn’t win. Dead to me
4. Red Cadeaux – Runner up 2011 and 2013. Non-winner, Bridesmaid stuff
5. Protectionist – Name doesn’t make sense. Good horse, don’t underestimate. Cannot win
6. Sea Moon – Embarrassment
7. Seismos – Nope
8. Junoob – Jess backed this when it won two starts back and lost the ticket. A sad day. Not his fault, but hate him.
9. Royal Diamond – Too old. No.
10. Gatewood – One of 4 Simon O’Donnell horses. They’re all shit.
11. Mutual Regard – PRUNING THE MONEY TREE. WILL WIN. CERT.
12. Who Shot TheBarman – Backed it in Caulfield Cup. Dead to me.
13. Willing Foe – What’s a willing foe? My head hurts.
14. My Ambivalent – Donkey
15. Precedence – Camel
16. Brambles – O’Donnell v2
17. Mr O’Ceirin – Will finish last
18. Au Revoir – Enough said
19. Lidari – O’Donnell v4
20. Opinion – In my opinion, you’re horrible
21. Araldo – Aral-no
22. Lucia Valentina – Great Turnbull win. Threat.
23. Unchain My Heart – Wasting my time
24. Signoff – Massive weight drop, big show on Saturday’s run. Won’t beat mine, but good.