What the NRL team you support says about you

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March 5, 2015 by dixwah

There’s been arrests in Arizona, drug charges against the club located on Australia’s party strip (imagine!!) and a defection to NFL. RUGBY LEAGUE IS BACK BABAY!

With the season starting tonight, I figured I’d provide a horoscope of sorts, dominated by massive generalisations about what the NRL team you support says about the person you are.

A monocultural bunch: Sharks fans

A monocultural bunch: Sharks fans

I’ll run in alphabetical order so I don’t offend anyone (yet).

Brisbane Broncos

If you’re a local, you’ve likely been sucked in by one too many Courier-Mail back pages. As for you NSW-based Broncos fans, you’re a pompous know-it-all who failed geography and sociology at school.

Canberra Raiders

You genuinely like cold weather and political thrillers. Continue to refer to the Raiders as the ‘green machine’, despite the sniggers and ROFL. Nan-druku!! But I doubt you’ve ever sung the team song:

“We’re the bad and mean, GREEN MACHINE
Fearsome men from the A-C-T”

Canterbury-Bankstown Bulldogs

I’m not going to play that card.

Cronulla-Sutherland Sharks

You live in ‘the Shire’, have blonde eyebrows and don’t like Bulldogs supporters (read into that whatever you like). Haven’t been to a game since ET retired.

Gold Coast Titans

n/a, they have no fans (ok maybe two).

Another bumper Titans crowd. I guess the fans have other things to do. Ie. drugs

Another bumper Titans crowd. I guess the fans have other things to do. Ie. drugs

Manly-Warringah Sea Eagles

Either you live over that way and are oblivious, or you are one of those people who enjoy being despised.

Melbourne Storm

Likely a New Zealander living in Melbs. Possibly a fat person from Melbourne alienated from AFL by your body type. You think purple is a legitimate team colour. Ditto ‘Storm’ for team name. Delusional.

Newcastle Knights

You’re over 70 years old and don’t go anywhere without that tiny Knights flag you wave furiously at games. Refer to players you’ve never met by their nicknames.

Seriously, enough with your shitty little flags already

Seriously, enough with your shitty little flags already

New Zealand Warriors

Talk funny and stick your tongue out a lot. Call sons Stacey and other girls names.

North Queensland Cowboys

You went to boarding school, haven’t ridden a horse for 10 years, wear $400 boots and work for Macquarie. Too much?

Parramatta Eels

You probably grew up ‘out that way’. You hold grudges and have a poker machine habit.

Side note: I actually don’t think I’ve ever met an Eels fan who was a good bloke (/chick).

Penrith Panthers

See Parramatta. Including note about their fans. Small kudos if you remind me of Dahdah Uniforms or Chocolate Soldiers in footy conversation. I’ll pay that.

South Sydney Rabbitohs

I’d say you’re intelligent, attractive, and a fair judge of other footy fans.

St. George-Illawarra Dragons

Your Dad still talks about the glory days, when ‘rugby league was rugby league’. Reg, Changa. You’re self-entitled and enjoy smorgasbords. Have never drunk Penfold’s, and don’t bank with St. George. Refer to indigenous Australians as ‘brothers’ because of a subliminal allegiance to Blacklock, Walford, Mundine, Roberts and Robbie Simpson.

Sydney Roosters

You’re a dick.

Wests Tigers

You’re bitter and defensive. Depending on which side of the fence you’re on, you’ve either always hated Benny Elias, or you’ve just started hating Benny Elias. Are well read on all things development application.

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